U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
