Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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