ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
