So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
