If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
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