Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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