doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
