I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
