He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
