unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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