We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
