i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
