someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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