Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
