worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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