I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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