gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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