It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
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