It's like God shit irony all over that family
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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