His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
