I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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