i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
