I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
