I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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