I wish I could punch you in the face.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I love you.
Bad choice
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