is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
