he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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