im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
