listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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