You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
