Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize