who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
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