lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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