Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
