I am puke
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
