I wanna bring you to show and tell
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
