Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
