theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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