yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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