your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
