I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
