You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
