I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
