Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
