In the future we'll all be gay
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
