i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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