I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
There's even glitter on my cock...
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