Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
