so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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