I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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