Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
