if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
