The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
