Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
