saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
