the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I just had sex on a roof
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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