I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
His hands were made for my vagina.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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