what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
