he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
