I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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