I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
