:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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