Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
