I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
and she was petting her beer can
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
