Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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