If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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