Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
