this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
