I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
