Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
