I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
