If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
