last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Come on in and take your pants off
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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