Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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