i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
