i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
she peed on how many people?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
