people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
