Do you still have your period?
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
